I have found the important thing for me to remember is that I AM aware of ALL of this. And that awareness lessens the sting. It takes away some of the hardness and allows me to step back and see this situation for what it is … a mental disorder that he cannot help he has. He isn't doing this on purpose. He isn't TRYING to pitch a fit each morning to make the day start crappy. He is held hostage by this as much as I feel like I am.
And the other foot hovering over a new space that's kind of dark and mysterious. It seems to call to me ... whispering words I can almost hear. And sometimes I almost plant my foot down in that space which would allow me to see a bit more clearly what that spot actually is ... but it's never quite happened. I always linger a bit too long and allow my brain to talk me out of it;