For a few minutes I actually allowed that stupid word to make me feel less than, unimportant, not worthy, and invisible. Again.
I set my alarm for 4:44 am last night. Before I went to bed I told myself that the five and a half hours of sleep I was going to get would be the EXACT amount I needed to feel energized, refreshed, and awake in the morning. I said to myself that getting up would be easy and that I was so grateful for a body that could give me the perfect amount of restful sleep I needed in just 5 hours. I went to sleep. I woke up at 4:30. And I felt good. I sort of just lied there WAITING for my alarm to go off at 4:44. And when it did? I fell into a familiar pattern of thinking ... "I could just lie in bed until I have to wake the 16 year old up. I'm tired, right? More rest is good. I will just lie here awake, quiet, and still ... I can meditate that way." HA! Right. Mmhmm ... that's a GOOD idea. (<<< insert sarcasm there)