So I'm actually seeing now that motherhood has been and is an incredible gift in so many ways. The perfect gift, sometimes wrapped in really ugly paper, but lovely and amazing on the inside when you turn it around and look at it from a new angle.
I do not have a fabulously flashy life. I don't travel to exotic places. I don't have a successful career. I don't live in a perfect dream house. I DO have a fabulous life though. It is simple. It is quiet. It is peaceful. And it is perfectly lovely most of the time. (mom life is sometimes brutal of course)
It is exhausting, frustrating, exasperating, chaotic humdrum. But somewhere in the humdrum is a little spark of magic or a little whisp of loveliness. And you see it occasionally hiding within and beneath and beyond. And when you look directly at it, it shimmers and shines and whispers, "And this is love."
Life is perfect, you see. But perfection is not what we imagine it to be. It is not every experience a “good” experience. It is not everyone always happy. Perfection is not all rainbows, all sunshine, all perfectly ripe fruit, always clean, always cheerful. Perfection is WHOLENESS. It is all things working in unison. It is all parts, all pieces, all aspects of life working together in a balanced and complete way. Perfection is a FULNESS of life. Without the rain, there aren’t rainbows. Without green bananas sometimes, we can’t appreciate the perfectly deliciously sweet ripe ones. We need these experiences to understand that ALL of life is precious. And so, at this time of year, I look around and appreciate it all.
I have found the important thing for me to remember is that I AM aware of ALL of this. And that awareness lessens the sting. It takes away some of the hardness and allows me to step back and see this situation for what it is … a mental disorder that he cannot help he has. He isn't doing this on purpose. He isn't TRYING to pitch a fit each morning to make the day start crappy. He is held hostage by this as much as I feel like I am.
And in the midst of all that is going on, there is this beautiful lovely stillness that I can intentionally choose to step into. And it creates a sense of peace ...
This appreciation is LIFE. It is the energy that creates the expansion that brings more of your desires and dreams and hopes to your view.
For a few minutes I actually allowed that stupid word to make me feel less than, unimportant, not worthy, and invisible. Again.
So, this day, I offer you this simple Advent to read, to ponder, and maybe to make you curious about your own traditions, life, experiences, and beliefs.
I don't always welcome the triggering circumstances, when they present themselves, but I am beginning to see that they DO provide opportunities if I look.
And so I look at this Mother's Day with excitement, joy, love, and the knowledge that I am gently and infinitely expanding into lovelier and brighter energy each day. I am ALWAYS looking forward at who I desire to be. And that looking forward propels me into that ever increasing energy.
When I have a moment of frustration, I had one this morning actually, I pause, take a deep breath, and ask myself, "what would love do here?" And then I wait for love to show me the way.
So, today, just live. Whatever is in your current awareness, look at it, really see it, hear it, taste it, embrace it, and EXPERIENCE it to the fullest. THAT is what life is about.
Today, more than ever, my desire is to just be a little brighter than before. Maybe that light can boost another. That is my hope anyway.
Here's what's cool: I am more than this body. I am greater and bigger and grander than my physical appearance would suggest. I am (the energy of my soul is) MUCH older than 39 years old too. That is a tiny number when you're ageless and timeless. I understand that who I am doesn't bear too much resemblance to this 39 year old body and so worrying about this body "aging" ?? Not so much.
Something cool happens when you're fully present ... time goes away. It's almost as if there is a time warp and nothing else matters - there's only that one moment. Continually just the present.