So I'm actually seeing now that motherhood has been and is an incredible gift in so many ways. The perfect gift, sometimes wrapped in really ugly paper, but lovely and amazing on the inside when you turn it around and look at it from a new angle.
THAT is was I experienced. As I breathed and allowed my body to be swallowed up in this radiant light, I understood that it wasn't overtaking me, it WAS (and IS) me. ** I am this energy. I am this vibrating white heat. I am the light of a thousand suns. This power, this light, this brilliance, this potent dynamic energy not only lies within me, IT IS ME!
I just ended a love pilgrimage. It was a deep dive 44 day journey into love and union. Love and union with myself; all the parts of me. And love and union with others. To say this experience changed my life is an understatement. It was profound in so many ways.
Even when I'm knee deep in muck and grind, I can catch a glimpse of something truly magnificent, and that glimpse pulls me up slightly so the muck and the grind that feels so depleting has less of a hold on me than it did.
Love is not merely "romantic" ... And it is not kept for only relationships with others. Love is a dynamic field of potential where ANYTHING is possible.
My five year old asked me yesterday what is inside our bodies. "A ghost?" And I didn't necessarily have a definitive answer for him ... One that he'd understand, and that is "truth."
>>> small steps, in any direction, lead to new understanding. That new understanding is the plan ... To see new things, experience new things, breathe new air.
I do not have a fabulously flashy life. I don't travel to exotic places. I don't have a successful career. I don't live in a perfect dream house. I DO have a fabulous life though. It is simple. It is quiet. It is peaceful. And it is perfectly lovely most of the time. (mom life is sometimes brutal of course)
It is exhausting, frustrating, exasperating, chaotic humdrum. But somewhere in the humdrum is a little spark of magic or a little whisp of loveliness. And you see it occasionally hiding within and beneath and beyond. And when you look directly at it, it shimmers and shines and whispers, "And this is love."
Anytime is the perfect time. Any day, you can sit down and make a list of the things that you'd like to focus on, the things that you think would add light to your life, and you can begin that day to move into that new energy.
This appreciation is LIFE. It is the energy that creates the expansion that brings more of your desires and dreams and hopes to your view.
For a few minutes I actually allowed that stupid word to make me feel less than, unimportant, not worthy, and invisible. Again.