It’s been a long time since I have written something here. I’ve written small things here and there on Instagram. And that has been helpful. I think though, there is something cathartic and healing about having this space, like a journal, to put out into the world the essence of the moment I’m currently experiencing.
I want to write MORE often. I want to be genuine and authentic with my words, not worrying about what certain someone’s might think about how I truly feel. I want to use this space as a creative diving board that bounces me into the world I am choosing to exist in … Not the world I previously created, but a new world full of the energies of “tomorrow.”
I think, for most of my life, I have existed in a space of reserved beingness. I have tempered who I am and what I choose to be and how I choose to express myself, with what space I’m currently residing in and who is around me. And some of that is fine … If I’m at a church, I’m not going to exist exactly the same as the me who is at a concert, for instance. Different environments call for different versions of myself.
That being said, I shouldn’t feel like I can not be who I truly want to be, because of what others might think. (And I HAVE done that frequently in the past.)
I’m done with that.
It is time for authentic expression. All out … THIS IS ME!! It is now time for honesty and REAL words to be put on the page. I am not allowing healing when I temper what I really want to say.
And so I will say what I have to say.
And if you are one who chooses to be uncomfortable or offended by my words? I say to you … “Ok.” You can be that. And I will be this. And it’s ok.
I cannot threaten you and your view of the world. My experiences are not the downfall or negation of your own. They are simply that which IS for me here. To deny them is pointless, just as it would be pointless for you to deny your own experience.
I am not looking to bring anyone down or to cut at what you love (I actually want the opposite of that. I would love to see you all thriving!) … But I am looking for a space to express what I am experiencing. And some of it may fly in the face of what YOU are experiencing. And that is OK.
You don’t have to read. You don’t have to take it personally. If I say something that is uncomfortable for you, I understand if you need to go and find your peace elsewhere. Everybody isn’t in alignment with everybody.
And actually, that’s one of the biggest things I have learned. I don’t have to “gel” with everyone. Some people don’t do it for me. Some ideas I find ridiculous. Some thoughts and words cause me to roll my eyes and think, “really?!” … And it’s OK!!
I get it now! I don’t have to agree with everyone to be at peace?!
No I don’t!! I can peacefully turn away from those people and things that don’t align with my energy.
That is EXACTLY what I SHOULD be doing when I am triggered … I should be turning back to that which brings me peace.
Yes, we have to extend ourselves. We’re here to grow. We get to learn new things … And learning requires moments of uncomfortable dissonance sometimes. So you get to decide the speed with which you move. And you get to decide when something is too much for you right now. And you get to choose to be open and look at new energies, or to not do that.
Your experience. Your choice. Your life. Your voice.
This realization has taken a while to come, but as it’s come, it’s brought peace and expansion and freedom.
So here I am. I am ready to just be me. I am ready to express what I’m feeling and seeing and experiencing.
Some of it will be uncomfortable. (For me too!) Some of it will be messy. (Mom of 7 … Loads of mess.) Some of it will seem silly to point out. Sometimes I’m going to be angry or frustrated. And I think it’s helpful FOR ME to express EVERY moment … As opposed to just the ones that are teaching me or just the ones that are lovely to behold.
I must experience it all to experience WHOLENESS. (Experience it all without judgement.)
Which means, I must EXPRESS it all, if I am to be ME.
For whatever reason, my peace is strengthened when I express what is. I need to/want to/LOVE talking things out, writing things out. It fills me. It strengthens me. It expands ME. (I know it may not be the same for you and that’s ok. Your journey is unique.)
And so here I am. Ready to be more free with my expression. And I invite you, if you come upon this, to read and say to yourself, “this is not my experience. But hearing hers is interesting to me. I didn’t know this before now.” OR. .. “wow. Some of this resonates with me. I appreciate reading this.” OR … “She’s crazy. I don’t need to read that again.” OR … “I don’t get this … But I want to read more. Understanding others helps me see the world in a new light.”
WHATEVER you think after reading, know this: writing is helpful for ME. I am learning more about myself as I express what is in my heart. I don’t expect ANYTHING from this other than what I get personally from spilling out that which is within.
And that is EVERYTHING for me right now.
So … I am here. I am open. I am breathing in the moment and ready to exhale what comes into this space. This is my purpose.
Thank you for this moment.
~Honor this moment