I walked out of the school today and was breathing heavily. The drop off took a challenging turn when the 7 year old wouldn’t get out of the van and then threw herself to the parking lot ground and screamed and cried. She had been fine previously. I don’t know what triggered her meltdown.
Anxiety is weird like that … There’s no rhyme or reason sometimes.
And so i spent 15 minutes trying to get her off the parking lot concrete and into the school office.
She refused to let me carry her. She refused to use her legs.
Little by little we did make it in there. But it was a workout for me. And frustrating.
As anyone with anxiety knows, usually once you move into the thing, it gets easier. The principal tells me only a few minutes after I leave each day the two anxiety prone kids are fine. They walk to class with no issues. They have no other problems throughout the day.
I left that office today feeling like I had just done battle. And as I drove away from the school I could feel the energy swirling and moving through me. It was big. It was bubbling and pushing itself to all the edges.
I’ve been focusing a lot on not clinging to the energy but instead letting it flow. Moving it through and OUT is helpful for me.
So as I drove I decided to move it out though screaming as loudly as possible.
I call it “death rage screaming” … And you know what?
- I didn’t know I could scream that loudly.
- By the third scream I was laughing.
It was relieving.
It was like letting the volcano explode in a healthy way that didn’t hurt anyone and once the lava (that energy) was released the inner world was reset.
Sure maybe my throat is a little hoarse now, but totally worth it. I get to move on with my day WITHOUT that energy being the filter.
I’m appreciating the flow today.
~Honor, this moment.