I imagine as this blog unfolds, I’ll have a more clear idea of what it is, or what it’s trying to become. Today I’m not sure. So I’m going to just write and see what I’m inspired to say.
As I sit here at the end of this day, the “now moment” I’m having is slightly … not awesome. There was a toothbrush and toilet incident, permanent marker on the carpet, kids being very exuberant at bedtime (not in a cute way, let me tell you.) …
Many days I’m able to handle those with ease. And then there are days that they seem to pile high into large mountains and I’m overwhelmed. I sometimes think the word “frazzled.”
Motherhood is no joke! And seven kids is very “extreme” in the motherhood business.
I’d say 70% of the time I adore it. There’s something awesome happening MOST of the time, to make it fulfilling and beautiful and lovely. (Smiles and jokes. Funnies and sweet things. Hugs and silly faces and clever thoughts and human connection.)
(I’ve lowered that percentage twice. Lol. I’m not sure what the ACTUAL number is.)
Then there are the overwhelming, frustrating, maddening, cry worthy moments that have me desiring to hide in my closet and eat chocolate. (I haven’t done that in a long time, but I absolutely HAVE done that in the past. Yep. Totally.)
Here’s what I’ve discovered. When I fight against what IS, it makes the whole thing worse.
What is, IS. I can’t change that it is, in that moment, happening. The toothbrush went down the toilet. It happened. So the only thing I CAN choose is how I REACT to the moment.
I can get angry. I can throw a fit. I can yell and stomp and cry. Yes. I can do those. And sometimes those seem like perfectly reasonable responses to certain things. But does it help? Maybe it gets a little energy out. (That’s a shaky “maybe”) But it doesn’t redeem the moment. It doesn’t change what is. It only focuses on negativity in that moment and creates a dark cloud that lingers as long as it is invited in with that perspective.
I have found it much more helpful, healthy, and positive in these kinds of moments to accept what is happening, take a few deep breaths, and focus on how to change what IS to a more relieving experience.
I can’t change that it happened. But I can take what happened and move forward into a happier focus. I can choose to look higher than the problem and be inspired towards a solution.
Sometimes a lighthearted perspective is what EVERYONE needs to move beyond a dark cloud into the sun.
So tonight, my “Honor moment” is reflective … on how I SHOULD have chosen to react. (Let’s be honest … i could have done it better. I didn’t yell or throw a fit, but I dwelled in the negativity for a bit.)
Am I beating myself up over what happened? Nope. It’s over. I’m ok, the toilet is ok, everyone around me is ok … there is beauty to behold!
Can I use this experience as a teacher? ABSOLUTELY! And THAT is the beauty of the things that don’t go how we wished they would have gone. They become our teachers and in the learning the redeeming is found and the balance is present and the peace exists.
This is life. It’s a mess. But a beautful mess that is so worth experiencing. It’s not about trying to be perfectly everything … perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect friend, daughter, employee, etc. etc. It’s about being perfectly YOU. You just be you.
Today being me includes this crazy evening with broken toilets and messes and loud kids and some sticky fingers and frustration. This is what is. So I own it. I am this. I am happy to be existing as this and the things I’m learning and experiencing are ultimately bringing me closer to my authentic self, which is TRUE joy.
I’m grateful for every bit.