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167 | This Life I Choose/Chose

Do you ever just sit and close your eyes, or even keep your eyes open, and imagine or dream?

Do you remember ever doing that when you were younger?

I remember doing that. I remember thinking about the life that I wished that I could have, the life that I hoped would come true, or the life that would be the most amazing life I could imagine.

One of the things I dreamed about when I was younger was being a mom. It is the thing that I wanted to do most.

Sure I sometimes dreamed about being a princess, but I didn’t actually think that would happen. Occasionally I would have dreams of being a nurse or a teacher or a famous singer. The dream that always stuck most closely to my heart though, was being a mother. It’s the thing that I wanted to do “when I grew up.”

Fast forward 30 years, and here I am sitting in a life that I chose. I am the mother. And not only am I the mother, I’m the mother to seven amazing children. Seven children I dreamed about each time before they came, hoping that they would be coming into my life.

I have to remind myself sometimes that this life I did choose. Because it’s hard. It’s challenging. Unless you have this many kids, you don’t really understand the logistics and the chaos that can ensue sometimes in a life with this many people sharing a space. And being the one in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly? Yes, it is certainly a challenge every day.

But guess what? If I sit back and survey the scene from a broader perspective, I realize that my dreams have come true. I realize that I love this life. I realize that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love that I get to watch these people grow and become who they choose to become. It is a pleasure experiencing each of them in their highs and lows and mediums and helping them and guiding them and supporting them with who they choose to be.

I love that my life is pretty unscheduled, because that really works for me. I love being unscheduled. I get to decide what I do and when I do it. Yes there are times that I have to drive people and get them to school and other places, but mostly I get to choose. I love that.

I appreciate the fact that within the framework of my life, I am the mother, the wife, the nurse, the teacher, the chauffeur, the baker, the cook, the seamstress, the comedian, the singer … I am ALL the things here. I get to try on all the hats. I get to experience many different roles within the fabric of this life I have chosen.

And so it’s kind of the best place for me, because I get to be everything I want to be. Sure there are times that I also have to be things that I don’t want to be, like the person who tells the kids that they can’t do things, or the person who has to force a kid to get up and get to school because they keep skipping, or the person who has to clean up messes that they don’t want to clean up. But I enjoy having the freedom to choose who I want to be in any given moment.

I am amazed continually that there can be such a fluctuation of emotion and energy within this place. Sometimes I laugh to myself because it’s such a drama high most of the time with five daughters and two sons. But the thing that I love about it, is that we’re just experiencing being human. And there will be highs, and there will be lows, and there will be ridiculous moments that seem like the world is ending, and there will be brilliant amazing moments that feel like we’re flying.

It’s everything. And experiencing it with all these people adds to my enlightenment, my awareness, and my joy.

I guess today I’m just expressing that I love life. And I appreciate the moments that are hard and challenging and that try my patience and the moments of not even knowing what to do with this ridiculous chaos that is in front of me, because in those moments I can turn to the inspiration within me and grow. And sometimes I don’t do that. Sometimes I just get annoyed and frustrated and go watch a movie. But usually I have an opportunity to grow, and I can take that opportunity and expand upon what is here.

In whatever you’re doing and wherever you are and in whatever is before you, there are aspects of the life that you have that you did choose, that you did dream about, and that you did want. Maybe they will be hard for you to find. Maybe they’re teeny tiny. And maybe you have a big challenge before you, attempting to appreciate what’s in your life.

That’s ok. Own your spot. See where you are and just breathe in the “I am here” -ness that it carries. And then look around. There will be SOMETHING that can fill you with joy. Even if it’s small. Take that small thing and look at it and magnify it and allow it to bring beautiful energy into your experience.

You may not have the life you dreamed about today, but you can expand upon where you are. You can add in new things. You can infuse your “now life” with aspects of your “dream life” and allow the two to come together in a way that will bring magic and fresh air.

And maybe in a few weeks, or months, or years, you can survey your scene and have a deep appreciation well up within you.

This appreciation is LIFE. It is the energy that creates the expansion that brings more of your desires and dreams and hopes to your view.

May you identify the which brings appreciation to your heart.
May your moment be bright and sunny and peace filled.
May your life be full of light.
May your dreams be vividly real.
And may you know that you CAN choose who you get to be each day, and that is freedom.


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