I think I’m going to adjust my “expectations” on the blog. I had pictured myself writing every night before bed, sort of a “recap” of my day. And the past few nights I’ve had to stay up until almost midnight to accomplish that goal. Which is fine … but I’m tired! So … I am going to write during the day. That way, I will get to bed earlier and be LESS tired. Which will create a happier Honor. I very much believe that sleep is essential to feeling good, at least for now until my body is perfected. (ha!) 🙂
Today is a NEW day!! Last night was a bummer … but it accomplished something, so that’s good. Today I woke up and meditated. And my mind was VERY unfocused. I had a really hard time just being still and allowing the flow to flow.
I have a tendency to “create” in my head. I think about things that have happened and “redo” them, so to speak. I think of what I SHOULD have said or done. I picture scenarios that could possibly occur in the near future and what I SHOULD say if they happen.
I play the “what if” game. Do you know that game? It goes something like this:
“What if this happens? That will totally suck. I will have to say something. But that will be awkward … oh, I hope it doesn’t happen. But it probably will.”
“What if that happens? Well everyone is judging me anyway, so I shouldn’t care. But that would be really terrible. Ug, I hope they don’t say anything.”
The scenarios are endless. Apparently I “win” this game all of the time. (insert sarcastic energy here, which is super helpful too.) (insert more sarcasm)
Here’s why this game isn’t helpful. All of the stuff that I “create” in my mind that I am worrying about? It STEALS from this moment. Literally. It takes away my presence in the now and projects into nothingness. I am not yesterday, that’s impossible. And I am not tomorrow, that’s also not possible. I am only today, this moment. Right now.
What I am playing and replaying in my mind is illusion and didn’t happen that way or won’t happen that way and even if it DOES happen that way in the future … I can’t do anything about it today. I can only be this, right now, this moment.
Why would I choose to steal from today? I only have now, and I’m going to waste it projecting illusion onto a time that doesn’t exist? That’s insane right?!
I choose to be sane. I want to be present to experience what is reality for me. Like this moment. I am sitting in the office, listening to the 2 little kids watching the Disney channel while I type this article. We had breakfast and I drove kids to school and they’ve had a snack and I answered a couple messages and now I am here. Focusing on this. This is my now.
If I were to try to write this article with my mind somewhere (or sometime) else, it wouldn’t be focused, it wouldn’t be “Honor, this moment.” It would be “Honor, not this moment.” I want to be present! I want to experience what is the actuality of my life.
And that means just BEING.
Not trying to be somewhere, or sometime else. Just being here with what is in front of me. I’ve been really trying to work this “being present” into my life and it’s a huge life changer. I notice frequently when my husband and I are out on a date or grocery shopping that I’m just happy to BE with him. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing. If the line at Costco is 10 people long, I’m good with that. I can think and look around and enjoy the presence of life. If we’re out to dinner I can be WHOLLY present with him and everything else goes away. I don’t worry about the kids, or the bills, or the errands or anything else. I just be what I am in that moment. Honor with her best friend eating and talking.
And do you know what happens? Time sort of stops. In the presence of NOW, it’s almost as if I enter a time warp and everything else doesn’t matter and I am so fully in the moment that time is standing still. It is AMAZING!
Do you know how many times in the past few months I’ve said to my husband … “were we in there for like a month?! It felt like FOREVER!?” It’s because I am so focused on the moment that I lose track of worrying or fearing or projecting and time means nothing when you’re present. It makes every moment everything.
It took me some serious thought and a little effort to grow into this being present thing. But it is SO worth it.
When I lose focus, like I did last night or this morning, I do a few things to shift my energy to the now.
First, I acknowledge what is. And in that moment that the “what if game” is playing out in my head, I acknowledge that I’m projecting illusion and nothingness onto now; because if it isn’t now, it’s not real, and if it’s not real it’s nothing. So what I’m doing is focusing on nothing. Once I become conscious of the nothingness that I’m creating, I shift my focus to now.
Whatever I’m doing, washing dishes? I focus on my hands in the water and the dish that I’m rinsing and my breathing and just experiencing the now. Or maybe I’m sitting watching my kids play … I refocus to them. I involve myself fully in their playing and talk to them and focus on their smiles and their laughter and the way their hair gets tousled when they jump on the couch cushions that are on the floor (which I don’t stress about).
Whatever moment you’re in, you CHOOSE to be consciously there. Aware of your
breathing and the things that are going on around you and consciously CHOOSING to bring your thoughts to those things. When they shift to worrying about next week, or later in the day, or last month … just look at that, acknowledge that it’s there, and then put it in the next “room” so to speak and focus on now. When you need it, when they’re the “now” you can get them. THIS moment is your focus. What you’re doing right now.
It is a process. It is a bit by bit, little by little, line upon line, piece by piece shifting into the new way of being. Every time you refocus, you strengthen the power of now. Each time you’re conscious of your thoughts straying to what isn’t, you are refocusing to what is. It’s really about acknowledging what’s going on in your mind, owning it, and choosing where you DESIRE it to be.
So make your world! If you’d rather live in what isn’t … the last year, or the terrible things that you know are going to happen in the future, you can choose that. It’s your world. Isn’t it more lovely to be present and focused on what IS?
I truly believe that even amidst a storm raging around you, peace is present when YOU are present. Because you are always only ever NOW. Just as Jesus said that He is the “I AM” … so are you. You’re not, I was or I will be, you’re always only “I am …” and in being who you are, you are free. Freedom comes through realizing that yesterday is gone, tomorrow doesn’t exist, so what you are in this moment is what you are. And you can choose to be ANYTHING you want to be right now.
I choose beauty and love!!