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155 | A Letter to Me

Dear Honor (the “Honor” that is the CORE Honor. The inner energy of the soul Honor),

I just wanted to write this letter today to tell you what’s going on and to thank you and also maybe to apologize to you for some things.

Thank you for supporting me all these years. Thank you for ALWAYS being there for me and for putting up with the garbage I put you through. You have been a constant in my life and I am grateful to you for being there.

I have to apologize to you. I have spent YEARS not appreciating you. I have spent almost my whole life not even seeing you. I ignored you. I didn’t listen when you tried to tell me the things that would help me. I believed the lies and the illusions over what you were offering. And then when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to, or when I had challenges, I lashed out and hated you for betraying me.

I hated you for looking the way you looked. I hated you for NOT looking how I wanted you to look.

I hated you for feeling what you felt. I hated you for NOT feeling what I wanted you to feel.

I hated you for not being enough, for sometimes being too much, for not fitting in, for being invisible, for being too quiet, for being too safe, for not DOING enough, for your ugliness and for your judgments and for your weakness.

I have hated you for so long.

I’m beginning to realize, more and more every moment, that YOU were never those. Those were my misperceptions. Those thoughts were lies that I believed about you, but they were NEVER you.

I am sorry. I am sorry I judged you. I am sorry I mistreated you. I am sorry I abused you. I am sorry I didn’t see who you really were and that I placed upon you “masks” that weren’t real.

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Please forgive me. Please forgive me for being blind. Please forgive me for being deaf. Please forgive me for not realizing that you were ALWAYS there for me, that you ALWAYS had my best intentions in sight, and that you have had my back from day one.

I understand that when I didn’t listen, you became quieter; not because you wanted me to screw up or to be blind, but MY avoidance of you quieted your voice. I DIDN’T HEAR. I know that you kept speaking and broadcasting the truth no matter how deaf I was.

I understand that every cell of my being is programmed with “wholeness and ease.” You ARE wholeness. I am the one who hasn’t allowed that to come through. I have separated myself from that energy. I am the one who bypassed the natural state of the programming of my being, and who REPROGRAMMED to dis-ease and to illusion.

I see now that the more I listen, the more the natural programming is allowed to come through and you rewrite the system I so horribly screwed up.

I understand that I AM enough. You’ve been telling me that this whole time and I have listened to every voice outside of me first, before I listened to you.

I am done doing that. Thank you for helping me see what I was doing. Thank you for helping me realize that I am perfect just as I am.

I understand that I have been looking at my outer appearance and the outer world to feel safe, secure, and whole, and that was never the intention. You have been telling me, this whole time, that my “enoughness” (which is my “safety and security”) is based upon what is within me, and I just wasn’t listening.

I am done doing that. Thank you for helping me see that what is WITHIN me is what matters, and that it is innate. I am enough. I am whole. I am light. There is only that within me. My outer appearance is trivial and irrelevant.

I understand that I have been giving the voices outside of me power over me, and that is why I have felt so alone and so powerless.

I am done doing that. Thank you for helping me see that the only “voice” that can give me anything is the voice within me. And when I listen to that voice, I am powerful. I see now that my powerlessness isn’t because someone outside of me has taken my power, it’s because I gave it away. I can take it back by simply silencing every voice but the one within.

I understand now, that you have been the constant supporter in my life.

I understand now that you have been the champion, the helper, the inspirer, the guide, the uplifter, the comforter, the confidante, the friend, the companion, the one who has laughed with me, cried with me, played with me, joyed with me … every time I have felt whole and complete it is because I was aligned with you.

Thank you. Thank you for being the constant, even when I didn’t acknowledge that you were there. Thank you for guiding me through the valleys and the darkness and strengthening me through the climbs. I know now, that you were the strength, you have been the energy that has carried me, you have always been the one that has helped me at every step. And in those moments that I have soared and reached new heights, you have been there to joy with me, and TOGETHER we expanded.

I am ready to move forward WITH you. I know that when we are ONE, we are strong and we are powerful. I am ready to allow that energy through me and to have harmony and peace.

Thank you for helping see this. I honor you.

~honorthismoment~

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