I think there is something truly important about joy and excited anticipation and love for life and a desire to expand and learn and grow and the willingness to try new things and fall, over and over and over again with the intention to keep getting up no matter what. I think looking at the world through "childlike" eyes is essential ... looking for the NEXT thing that will bring that awe and wonder ... anticipating it arriving at ANY moment, just knowing there's magic around the corner and waiting patiently for it to come, being brave enough to let go of any worry and fear and just being open to ANYTHING, any new experience that might expand our horizon and our knowledge.
I noticed something as we sat ... with my eyes closed and the sun coming up, the lightness grew brighter and brighter and the warmth grew warmer and warmer on my skin ... ever so slightly, little by little. It wasn't a "sun up - BAM - BRIGHT and HOT" it was a gradual lightening and a gradual warming. At first the sun was only touching my face on the right side. Pretty soon it was warm enough and light enough to touch my face, my shoulder, my arm, and my leg, my foot. Within the hour we sat there, the whole yard was lit up, the whole right side of my body was fully warm from the sun, and we were turning our heads away from the brightness because it was so piercing.
I set my alarm for 4:44 am last night. Before I went to bed I told myself that the five and a half hours of sleep I was going to get would be the EXACT amount I needed to feel energized, refreshed, and awake in the morning. I said to myself that getting up would be easy and that I was so grateful for a body that could give me the perfect amount of restful sleep I needed in just 5 hours. I went to sleep. I woke up at 4:30. And I felt good. I sort of just lied there WAITING for my alarm to go off at 4:44. And when it did? I fell into a familiar pattern of thinking ... "I could just lie in bed until I have to wake the 16 year old up. I'm tired, right? More rest is good. I will just lie here awake, quiet, and still ... I can meditate that way." HA! Right. Mmhmm ... that's a GOOD idea. (<<< insert sarcasm there)
I was in a serious funk last night. And I couldn't pin point why I was, I just knew I was, knew I didn't want to be, and was frustrated with myself for being in the funk. No matter what I did, the funk continued and that frustrated me even more. When it was bedtime I was SO done with the day. I was sincerely needing the kids to just go to bed and I wanted to go to bed and get the "new day" moment in the morning. This day was a bust.
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