So, in my tiny moment of awareness, I said: "I am feeling this right now. It's not my favorite. In fact, I don't like it. But it's here. And I will feel it."
My five year old asked me yesterday what is inside our bodies.
"A ghost?"
And I didn't necessarily have a definitive answer for him ... One that he'd understand, and that is "truth."
Of course, we all breathe all the time no matter what, it's survival, but when we consciously breathe DEEP breaths several times a day it has huge benefits!
>>> small steps, in any direction, lead to new understanding. That new understanding is the plan ... To see new things, experience new things, breathe new air.
I do not have a fabulously flashy life. I don't travel to exotic places. I don't have a successful career. I don't live in a perfect dream house. I DO have a fabulous life though. It is simple. It is quiet. It is peaceful. And it is perfectly lovely most of the time. (mom life is sometimes brutal of course)
It is exhausting, frustrating, exasperating, chaotic humdrum. But somewhere in the humdrum is a little spark of magic or a little whisp of loveliness. And you see it occasionally hiding within and beneath and beyond.
And when you look directly at it, it shimmers and shines and whispers, "And this is love."
Anytime is the perfect time. Any day, you can sit down and make a list of the things that you'd like to focus on, the things that you think would add light to your life, and you can begin that day to move into that new energy.
Life is perfect, you see. But perfection is not what we imagine it to be. It is not every experience a “good” experience. It is not everyone always happy. Perfection is not all rainbows, all sunshine, all perfectly ripe fruit, always clean, always cheerful.
Perfection is WHOLENESS. It is all things working in unison. It is all parts, all pieces, all aspects of life working together in a balanced and complete way. Perfection is a FULNESS of life. Without the rain, there aren’t rainbows. Without green bananas sometimes, we can’t appreciate the perfectly deliciously sweet ripe ones. We need these experiences to understand that ALL of life is precious.
And so, at this time of year, I look around and appreciate it all.
I have found the important thing for me to remember is that I AM aware of ALL of this. And that awareness lessens the sting. It takes away some of the hardness and allows me to step back and see this situation for what it is … a mental disorder that he cannot help he has. He isn't doing this on purpose. He isn't TRYING to pitch a fit each morning to make the day start crappy. He is held hostage by this as much as I feel like I am.