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179 | Remember Love

Today’s intention: Reminding myself to just focus on love.

Yesterday morning was not my favorite morning. My two elementary school kids (the ones who struggle with anxiety) put up an enormous fight about going to school. It ended up in me slightly pulling them into the school while the parents I passed avoided eye contact and the kids we passed watched and stared.

There was crying and hysterics involved. (Not on my part)

I know it’s challenging to go to school after a random day off. (snow day) And I also know that five minutes after I left them there they were ok again.

But this kind of morning feels like a hurricane or tornado. Like weather that is so full of energy and power it is out of control. It is big. It is “loud.” It is chaotic.

And I am so used to having control.

I suppose this is a learning moment for me. (there is a gift here somewhere.)

After I left them in the office with the principal and office staff … (They know the drill, this has happened before. In fact the principal is amazing and she smiles and tells me they’ve got this and it’s ok for me to go.) I walked to the car and sat there for a few minutes.

The emotions and feelings coursing through me were really big. And it was one of those moments that I recognized I didn’t like these particular feelings, they weren’t ones that I wanted to have or experience right now, but they were here.

So, in my tiny moment of awareness, I said: “I am feeling this right now. It’s not my favorite. In fact, I don’t like it. But it’s here. And I will feel it.”

And then I BREATHED. Big slow deep breaths.

Embarrassment, frustration, powerlessness, anger, sadness … These can be big waves that pass through. And I know, through experience, that even though they feel momentously terrible, they always pass.

THIS morning I am focusing on love. Because for whatever reason, I prefer to feel that. I will infuse love into the morning routine. And I will remind myself that love is the foundation for these relationships in my life and when challenging moments come up, love still sits there, quietly and patiently underscoring everything; every thought, every moment, every interaction.

Today I choose to focus on love.

~Honor, this moment.

(📷: @miacharro )

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