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Thirty Two. Toxic Spill.

3d-guy-spill-frustrationWell … did you know that I have this invisible “container” inside of me?  It gets “filled” when my kids throw fits, when something doesn’t go the way I want it to, when things are “stressful”, when I get frustrated, when kids ask me for things over and over … etc.  All of the “less desirable” emotions of life fill this invisible container.  Most of the time I’m very able and can easily manage the “fullness” of it.  Occasionally I can’t for some reason or another, and it spills over and I have a “bad” moment.  I sometimes think of it as a toxic spill.

That happened for me yesterday.  

For some reason all of my positive thinking and the things I usually do to manage my “frustration container” didn’t work.  It spilled over and I allowed that frustration to color my afternoon.

I felt the isolation that comes from moving to a new place and knowing nobody.  I looked at that for a while.spilled_milk

I felt the tedium of stay at home motherhood and the every 3 day showering and the constant barrage of needs being met and diapers and never leaving the house … for 16 years … I looked at that for a while too.

I focused for quite a while on the fact that I never talk to another adult human … except my husband in the evening.  I REALLY stared at that one.

And I maybe glanced at the things that need to get done, that aren’t done … the stuff that needs to get fixed, that isn’t fixed, the things the kids need, that I haven’t gotten yet …

It was an all out toxic sized spill of my “frustration container” and it seeped into my being and wasn’t awesome.635914274303804391-1027016354_635836458683725639589614254_its-ok-to-not-be-ok

The thing about being more conscious of your thoughts is, that when this kind of thing happens, you know it’s happening, you see where it’s going, you feel like you want to shift it, and that even creates MORE spillage and frustration.

As I meditated briefly last night before bed and focused for a few minutes on all the things I have to be grateful for, I realized something.  My toxic spill was not great.  And it didn’t help me progress, it didn’t create a lovely atmosphere to exist in, and it wasn’t super fruitful.  But it DID happen.  And THAT’S OK!

It’s OK that I had a bad afternoon and evening.  It’s OK that I took a break from my usual optimistic approach and had a “down” moment.  It’s OK that the container of frustration within me had a momentary “spill” and that I focused on it for a while.accept-it-and-move-on-quote-1

IT IS OK.

Because you know what?  I am GOOD at cleaning up spills.  I am GREAT at refocusing.  I am AWESOME at seeing the negative fruit and shifting to things that are more positive for me. I am fully capable and the desire is STRONG to be in the usual place of peace and joy and so when spills happen, I clean them up and move on.

I don’t cry about it, I don’t dwell on it forever, I don’t stay there and think that all is lost … I realize that it’s a moment.  And there’s a next moment and a next and a next that I can shift my focus and create peace.

There is ALWAYS a next moment that is a potential NEW beginning.  Always.  Infinitely.

You are NEVER out of chances to refocus and realign with your purpose.

When spills happen with Resistmy kids it does NO good to make them feel bad, they’re accidental!  The only thing to do with spilled milk is to clean it up and move on.

And so last night as I meditated and thought about all of the things in my life that are good and beautiful and wonderful …listening to the rain that was pounding on the windows and roof and the fact that I have a roof over my head and a warm bed … doing that cleaned up the spill.  It refocused me to the joy of life and the gratitude I feel for the miraculous nature of God.  It helped me see that all of the things that aren’t lovely today don’t matter more than all of the things that ARE.  And the things that ARE lovely are VERY lovely.

Today as I woke up I meditated again on my gratitude for life and I just knew that I was in a better spot and it IS a new beginning.

I’m moving on.  And today I KNOW that that container inside of me that holds all of the junk … I CAN empty it when I focus on peace.  I CAN empty it when I choose love.  I CAN empty it when I meditate and go for walks and do things that fill me up.  And I am wholly capable of keeping that container empty and clear of spilling again.

And if there comes a day that I can’t, that for some reason it spills over?  OK!  It’s OK!!!  Such is life and those moments of spills happen and we clean them up and move on.

Life is about balance and I choose to be gentle with myself and others when things spill out and create a negative moment. new-beginnings

It’s truly ok.  The new beginning is ALWAYS beautiful and FULL of joy and so in those moments of spilling, I say to myself … “I will have this moment.  And then I will clean it up and move on and it is OK.”  And in that acceptance, the peace always follows.

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